Friday, September 21, 2007

Before the equinox

It is two days before the vernal equinox, still summer but an autumn feel is in the air in the mornings. The sky has a magnificent marine feeling of becalmed purity, not a cloud. What painter would sweep that kind of blue across half the canvas? Gaia is the only possible answer. The top photo is looking south at the conglomeration of midtown's spires and pinnacles. The other photo, from the same spot on the Sheep Meadow in Central Park is looking west at the faux castle of an apartment bulding - it has a grand name, I'm sure but I haven't learned it.

I'd like to think of this as analogous to my time of life, but I might be fooling myself, only time will tell. After last year's medical interventions I certainly can't claim to be in the midst of summer, I suppose I've got to admit to being somewhere over the line of the equinox ... sigh! But then that is a magnificant time too.
I spent my working portion of the day listening, first to two 40+ women trying to talk about where they are in their professional and personal lives. Their speech was full of hesitations and gap filling terms [you know, I mean, I guess, like, I suppose] They didn't have answers, they knew enough to know they don't know enough. And then I listened to a younger woman, about 30 speaking in strong, definite terms about women, especially of her age but also speaking of her mother's and grandmother's contemporaries as if she knew exactly what their lives had been like. She was not arrogant in her delivery but her thinking was a black/white attitude that the older women both deplored.

And I, almost as old as the two added together, have almost a clear, blue sky attitude that amazes me. In fact, a note from someone older than I am saying, "I'm still trying to understand the past and the present." And I thought, how foolish. At his age, what he doesn't understand he's never going to understand. The past must be accepted as the egglike, completeness that it is for it cannot be changed. The present is what exists, really the only thing that exists. It's that blue sky, and sometimes it is gray and threatening or pouring rain or spitting snow. But it is what it is and can be enjoyed if one is not distracting him/herself thinking about the illusion of a need to understand the past or the present. All those women talking, talking .. solving nothing and offering no wisdom, so confused. Not taking time to look at the incredible blue sky.

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